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Good afternoon dear friends,

I hope you’re all having a great summer.

I have been silent but very actively preparing for the big changes coming up.

This piece had a different title but I changed it now because I want to start with small notes on something I’ve been thinking about in the past couple of weeks: kindness.

I’ve often been told that I am too nice, that I smile and accept too many things that others don’t tolerate. After a discussion with a dear friend, I realised how much kindness is important to me. We had a difference of opinion on whether or not we should compliment people for succeeding in efforts they were doing. She thought that it was just an ego inflating exercise. I obviously understand that point but I so strongly disagree. I think that we’re all different and would react to a compliment differently. For example while it might make some people arrogant, it will help others who are struggling to see the results of their efforts. Acknowledging one’s successes can be just what they need to keep going and reach even better results. Most of you know me, I have fought way too many fights, have always refused to be mistreated and had to dust myself and pick myself up countless times. With all that, I refuse rigidity, I believe that most rules have exceptions and above all deeply believe that kindness is to be spread widely. I’m not talking about hugging people on the street or wearing unicorn t-shirts 24/7 but about the way we see and judge people. Obviously not everyone is kind and deserving of kindness but we should think twice before making that judgment. Most of the times, there’s an explanation and often we make things worse by being cold and sometimes can help by doing an act of kindness instead. Do you agree?

Back to the chronicles of the last few months…

I haven’t written a lot but have definitely been busy. I’ve had so much on my tired mind that my body failed me more than once. Most of my emotions can be centered around fear and anger but then HOPE.

Fear because I couldn’t continue living the way I have since Mya left, I physically couldn’t. It’s very hard to explain but I couldn’t. It’s like I was living with my eyes shut and suddenly opened them and realised that I couldn’t stand where I was. I couldn’t sleep and I was feeling dizzy all the time. It was very scary because I didn’t know what to do. My whole life just didn’t make sense anymore.

I felt angry because I knew I was getting ready for yet another fight. I knew I couldn’t give up as long as I had Ella. And believe me, I would so like to give up, just say f**** it, this isn’t worth it. But Ella is, she so is worth it all. So I had to fight, I had to pick myself up. Damn it!

HOPE. Through all that, I started putting the pieces of the puzzle together. My daily yoga practice helped me find a piece of my mind that was still a little clear. I first started by negotiating a move back to Lebanon with Ella’s dad. It was difficult for both of us because he was the reason I stayed in Paris. I wanted Ella to spend time with her dad. But we worked out a solution that is great for all of us. And it was like magic for Ella. She’s been asking to live in Lebanon since Mya passed away. She was over the moon and so relieved that she would still see her dad regularly.

Regular therapy didn’t really work for me. I tried and liked it at first but it always felt like something was missing. I started seeing a yoga teacher weekly who guided me through this storm. She’s wonderful and wise and I’m pretty sure she’s magic ;-). She helped me understand and reframe thoughts and emotions and explained a lot about who I am. I was developing my plans, all based around healing and yoga and she encouraged me to go down this path.

For the past ten months or so, I have been training to be a teacher. I have been giving a few classes here and there and working with my teacher on my skills and personal development. I just came back from a three weeks teacher training retreat in Greece. It was wonderful! I am so grateful for the five girls I met there - all so amazing and beautiful inside out. The training was focused on transformation and healing. It taught us how to help ourselves and help others as well.

I am moving back to Beirut this Friday! I can’t believe it! I am working on the final steps of what I am defining as a healing centre. Thank you all for the great feedback on my blog. You inspired my upcoming project that will hopefully open at the end of this summer. I will tell you all about it in an upcoming blog entry.

Lots of love


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